2. mindless
My parents smile at me from across the street. Mum's hand is
raised in a wave - I laugh, adjusting the strap of my backpack on my
shoulder.
I quicken my pace, eager to get in the car and leave this school
as fast as I can. It's finally over. No more worrying. No more hiding.
No Silvers, no Swansteppe, nothing but a new house and a new life far
away from this hell-hole.
I can almost cry with happiness, but all that comes out is laughter.
Dad beckons me across the road impatiently, grinning from ear to
ear. His expression - usually guarded and pinched - is open and friendly
and so very proud.
My graduation isn't just for me. It's for my parents, too. We're finally free. We can leave.
We can escape.
*
"Miss Field?" Someone's shaking me. Their hands are rough and painful on my bruised waist. "Miss Field?"
I stir, blinking my eyes open. My eyes widen - the guy shaking me is
dressed head to toe in white; he's got a mask and a girly looking cap
over his hair and it doesn't take me a second to twig it.
He's a doctor.
And it's that realisation that brings back the rest of the memories - I'm
running across the road and we're finally leaving and all of a sudden
there's a loud noise I've only heard in movies and it goes BANG BANG
and I'm screaming and ducking and there are bullets and I hear someone
drop to the ground behind me and I just run to the car and-
"Miss Field!"
I start, and stare up at the doctor again with round, scared eyes.
He watches me warily, looking almost regretful that he woke me up. I
suddenly realise that I'm lying in a hospital bed in a hospital ward in a
hospital and it's all wrong, it's all so damn wrong-
"Do you remember where you are?" he asks me earnestly. I can't see his hands, they're below the railing of the bed.
"I-I..." My head feels fuzzy. Or hell, no, it doesn't feel fuzzy, it's trying to fucking explode and it's fucking agony and now I'm screaming and crying and clutching at my head and-
Black.
*
"And the, uh... pain?"
"Just your mind reacting to your body, nothing more." It's a
different doctor this time - maybe the other guy asked to switch or
something. Can they do that? This one won't die already, so you can have her
- is that how it works? "It's a completely normal reaction. Basically,
you're brain wasn't getting enough oxygen. That'll be thanks to your new
lung-"
I have to keep myself from lashing out at her while she's saying this
because I don't see what's so normal about an invisible undetectable
white-hot poker spike thing being drilled into your skull (or at least,
that's what it felt like) and wait what
Wait, I'm sorry, fucking what?
The doctor sees me panicking and she backtracks. "Did I say something you didn't understand?"
"I'm- I- What the fu- New lung!? What the fuck is-!?" I have
no idea what's going on right now. My head's all a muddle and I can't
remember anything but I know I need to get out of here and find my
parents. I stiffen and start pulling and ripping at the wires attached
to me all over the fucking place-
And the doctor's now jumped out of her chair (it fell over, clumsy bitch) and she's trying to stop me while pressing the button and shouting, "Sedatives, quickly!" into the speaker-
And now I'm fighting against her and the pain in my head's back and
what was it she said, not enough oxygen? I take really deep breaths -
that's gotta work - and I'm fighting against her and pulling needles out
right, left and centre and now I'm up (and my head is aching) and across the room-
And that's when the spike's back
and I'm out like a light.
*
"Oi. Get up."
Something stabs me in the kidney and I gasp (well, it's more of a
scream but whatever) and my eyes snap open and I'm looking up at I don't
even know who. He's got messy hair and it's blonde (I think, I can't
tell from this angle) and his cheekbones are really prominent -
chiselled, I think you call it.
"Did you just kick me? Fucking seriously?" I hiss up at him, wincing in the bright light. "I'm in a hospital be-"
"Shut up," he cuts me off pleasantly, accentuating his words with
another (harder) kick. I reel back into my pillow with a groan.
"How can you even stretch your leg this hi-!?" He does it for the third time - right, show off - and I figure out that he doesn't want me to ask questions. It feels like there's a gaping hole in my side now - thanks, buddy - and I'm blinking away tears, holding back my whimper and now I just want to cry and I want-
I want my Dad.
"Where are my parents?" I whisper, shielding my face (because he doesn't need to see my tears, does he?).
I don't know why I'm surprised when I feel him yank my arm from my face but just damn
the guy's got no sympathy whatsoever, huh? Crippled, crying,
possibly-amnesic girl in a hospital bed, and he's totally beating me up.
He's leaning down over me now and I can open my eyes more clearly
because his head is blocking the light - that's how damn close he is
though, which isn't too great. I struggle instinctively, and his grip
around my wrists tightens.
"You're fucking annoying, you know that?" he grumbles, looking like
it's the easiest thing in the world to hold down a girl fighting with
all her strength to get free out of his grip. (Well, then again, I'm
kind of a cripple right now. Non-empathetic bastard.)
"W-Wha..." I look up at him and he looks nown at me and all of a sudden it strikes me that I actually can't remember anything-
But for some reason, his face is familiar-
And that's when I start to cry.
His grip doesn't loosen - again, I don't know why I was expecting it to but I just was - and he doesn't move, doesn't really react at all.
It's the quiet kind of crying. No stupid sobbing stuff, no whimpers
or wails, none of that bullshit. Just searing-hot tears sliding down
from my eyes into my hair and ears and down to the back of my neck. My
breath's a little shaky and my eyes are screwed shut (not that it's
stopping the tears from leaking out), and then I just gulp down a few
mouthfuls of air.
And then, after a minute or two of him holding me down and me doing
nothing to stop it, I kind of manage to get control of myself enough
(but not really) to give him (what I wish was) a steely look, and say,
"Explain."
He raises an eyebrow and now he's kind of good-looking.
"Please."
He stares at me for a second in silence, before getting up and
saying, "You stink, by the way. What, they don't let you shower here?"
I stay silent, stay lying down. He's walked out of my vision now but I
don't want to get up (because what if the spike returns?) and besides
my breathing's still all shaky.
"W-Would you please explain what's" - hiccup - "what's going on, after I maybe, uh, calm down a bit?"
I'm sure he's rolling his eyes even though I can't see him. I hear
him say, "I'll give you twenty minutes," and then a door clicks and I'm
left in silence once again.
